It’s two weeks into 2021. Already, there isn’t a whole lot to be that excited about.
We have a crazy man we can’t seem to get rid of holding court in Washington D.C., and I have the deepest feeling that we’re not going to see the end of him anytime soon. I know, I know, we have our share of whackjobs holding office up here in Canada as well, so I mean really…..we have no reason to be smug.
We’re still under various lockdowns, no matter where in the world you live (almost) and I have the deepest feeling we’re not going to see the end of THAT anytime soon, either. We collectively just seem to keep cutting our noses off our faces with this one. “Oh, the numbers are down a smidge? PERFECT!!!! OPEN EVERYTHING BACK UP!!!!” Again. I can see it being another summer of being confined to backyard fires, no social life, and self entertainment. I’m going to have to make a crapload more wine than I have been.
The entire year of 2020 was a fiasco from start to finish, politically, economically, emotionally, physically and socially. Most of my social contacts actually come from work, because I’ve become somewhat of a homebody. I don’t really go out (can’t afford it) indulge in pub or club nights(don’t like people that much….ok, I’m kidding).
I got too depressed to get very interested in anything, including myself and my home-gardening was rushed and a pain, I still haven’t bothered going back in the bathroom to work on that, I haven’t picked up a paint brush or tried to sketch anything in well over a year, and I had no interest in working on this blog. Until now.
I don’t know when the last time was that I indulged in a pedicure(thank god for chilly weather and full coverage footwear), shaved my legs or care what my hair looks like and I cut my nails when I start stabbing myself with the sharp edges.
I drank too much (emptying two full carboys of wine alone is a bit much) ate too much (I’ve managed to pack on enough weight to be too embarrassed to state a number, but I had to buy new clothes)and I seem to have just realized I’ve done nothing credit worthy with my life and I’m staring down the barrel of 56 years of age. I think I may be starting a full-on Mid Life Crisis. Mom has Breast Cancer.
Yeah. My Mom has Breast Cancer. That was the last thing I found out that really, totally completely, and utterly sucked(MAJOR understatement) before 2020 came to its rampaging close. This is something I kept close to my chest (pardon the pun)while we were waiting to find out test results, so if I didn’t speak about it forgive me.
I guess maybe I thought if I didn’t face it then it wasn’t going to happen to us. So now I (we) have faced it and time is being spent gathering information, thinking about next steps….and waiting. Waiting for an appointment for surgery-she’s been recommended a mastectomy. Waiting for lab results to see what kind of follow up we need to do, type and stage of cancer, waiting (and hoping)to be told what we’re already pretty sure of-that its not life threatening, that it hasn’t spread, and that recovery will be quick and successful. I love my family, and my Mom, more than my own life, and I’ll be right beside her while she goes through this. She’s kind of chuckling at me and all my questions and worries, but she’s just going to have to handle it. Its what I do best.
I’m sure everything will be fine-it was spotted early(although personally I think it could have been avoided altogether through no fault of my Mom, but more on that further down) and its teeny. Like miniscule. As in not even something you’d feel on a manual breast exam yet……maybe. So I count my(our)lucky stars that we are in the position we are, when so many women (and men, and other cancer patients) aren’t.
But then I’m kind of led to going “Well, what the actual *uck”?? This is a woman who has more or less religiously taken care of herself and her health for the majority of her life. Popping vitamins, eating all the right food, being active, maintaining a healthy weight, visiting her doctors annually for PAP smears, internal examinations, physical examinations, mammograms, every possible thing she can think of to stay healthy….and this is what she gets for it. As if with her Colitis and everything that goes with that hasn’t been enough for one human being. This is where I go “life isn’t fair” and you say “put on your big girl panties” and I say….never mind what I say. I’m trying to keep this reasonably PG.
The genetics argument can kiss my shiny butt(we have some speculation on the maternal line in my family on whether or not my Great Grandmother had Breast Cancer-no one seems to know for sure – however, she managed to survive to be over 100). Believe it or not, less than 10 percent of diagnosed breast cancers are based on genetics. Less than TEN. Considering the number of cases of breast cancers of various stages running rampant in the world, whether or not a family member had/has it doesn’t seem to have much of an impact-although it gets confusing there, because you’re direly warned of being at higher risk if a first degree relative has beeen diagnosed. Sooooo…do I panic now and just have my breasts and uterus and ovaries removed now or……? Nothing like fear and intimidation ruling peoples lives.
So then I just start “what the actual *uck-ing” even harder. If you know me personally, you know that is kind of a normal state of mind for me on various and sundry subjects…..but this one has my head absolutely exploding with with “what the actual *uck”-ery. Seriously.
And then I just get pissed off. I spend way to much valuable time being pissed off these days. The thing is, I’ve had the bottom dropped out of my life enough to last anyone for a lifetime. But I digress, because that isn’t what I got on here to write about.
I’m not ranting…..at least I don’t think I’m ranting. I’m putting thoughts to paper(so to speak)and sharing them.
My family(and some friends and acquaintances)have been on me for the LONGEST to go and get routine Mammograms. I do mean the longest. I turn 56 on February 13(mark the date on your calendars, folks) and I think I’ve had one, count em ONE, in my entire life. It was the most embarrassing, painful, stress inducing experience I’ve ever had. We can’t count childbirth for me, because The Boy arrived via emergency C for me when I was out cold sleeping on an operating table. So that one is out. I don’t get dibs on that particular experience.
You have to trust me on this though-I’ve done some pretty ridiculous things to myself. Ask my family. I could tell you a thing or two about pain, discomfort, anxiety, embarrassment, and distress, and nothing I’ve been through affected me the way that mammogram did. I simultaneously am panic stricken, terrified,ready to vomit and cringing at the thought of one. Panic attacks to the point of passing out. Quit laughing, its not funny. Well ok, it is. A little. If you’re going to tell me to put on my big girl panties, please refer to previous comment regarding same just a little above you in this post. Sometimes it just don’t work like that.
SPOILER ALERT/DISCLAIMER/YOU’VE BEEN WARNED……..now I’m gonna go off on a tangent and rant….but just a little bit.
First of all, any kind of X ray or radiation scares the shit out of me. I hate them, and not just on my poor little girls.
I’ve just never thought it was particularly healthy to take perfectly normal, no complaints registered, asymptomatic flesh and supercharge and /or expose it to a potentially toxic substance. Just a little tidbit for you….my GP pretty much echoed those exact thoughts when the subject of routine screening Mammograms came up one fine day. Since that fine day, the “recommendations” for screening mammograms have changed dramatically-with some Doctors even agreeing that screening mammograms are not the best method for detecting breast cancer that poses an actual threat-and that in essence, mammograms can do more harm than actual good.
**If you’d like to see the actual articles and opinions, I can include some hyperlinks in an edit on this post, or you can search for them yourselves…..let me know in comments and I’d be more than happy to provide you with the relevant sites/ articles. Lets be real….this thing is already going to be a super long read, and wouldn’t you rather just do some research for yourself?**
I thought so. Carrying on……
The effects of said radiation are cumulative in human flesh-quite likely in any flesh-because we can’t expel it. It kind of gets in the nooks and crannies and makes itself comfy. And then it builds on itself. For every mammogram you get,(which is/was annually or semi annually, depending) you get a little more hanging out and making itself at home in your body. This radiation in and of itself can be a risk for increasing the risk of cancer. MRI, ultrasound, and thermography don’t have that affect, but then they aren’t as “accurate”(they’re working on something that involves kind of dangling boobs in something like a bowl and testing them with sound waves….leave it to men to come up with this) as a mammogram-never minding the stats that prove that mammograms miss more important, serious cancers and focus on ones that do the least damage at the moment because that’s how they’re designed. To catch things “early”…when they can miss things that needed attention something like yesterday. Your standard mammography, statistically speaking, does not save lives. Mortality rates on breast cancers have not changed over any relative period of time, at least not by any kind of an signifcant number-but the damage they can do is being brought to light with each passing year we are doing this. Don’t get me wrong, one life saved is fantastic, but I have never, and never will be kneeling at the altar of the Mammogram God.
Never mind the fact that mammograms report false positives an astounding number of times, often leading women to treatment for DCIS-Ductal Carcinoma in Situ(basically a cancer that really isn’t a cancer, which can be monitored rather than treated, because the end result is the same(radiation/chemo/lumpectomy/mastectomy) and may never even be needed, meaning, some DCIS don’t even progress to the stage that they present an actual threat-so the treatments being implemented for DCIS may not be required at the time they’re diagnosed.
Case in point-Mom was diagnosed with this in 2014 and underwent the removal of the tumor(again, it was miniscule, smaller than the one she has now) and radiation at that time-for something that might have been watched instead of treated-and effectively took her out of the running for removal, radiation, and treatment to prevent recurrance now that an actual threat has presented itself.(we still have to discuss with her surgeon what kind of treatment she’ll need to receive following this procedure).
Hello Mastectomy. Yeah…..I’m a little pissed off. My Mom, your Mom, your Aunt, your Sister, your Cousin, your Best Friend, deserve better than this. Now, I’m not a doctor, but what we’ve already dealt with seems to parrot an awful lot of cases, all based on a mammography as a marker. So it just doesn’t seem to me that it is the be all and end all of Breast Health, and I feel like its really unfortunate that its sold to the masses as such. There is more we can do. Proper diet. Real, whole natural food. Awareness and education. Prevention. Even more easily accessible and affordable Genetic testing-on demand by the patient- to help identify those who are the most at risk by actually carrying the genetic mutation responsible for breast cancer. I might be wrong here, but right now I believe that testing can be upwards of 250.00-completely out of reach for women who don’t have a good income and/or health plan to cover it. Not ok.
Touch your boobs. Every month, check them out. I am fanatical about this for myself, and I know exactly what should be there and what shouldn’t. Learn how to do a proper, thorough breast exam. Get to know your girls(and boys-for any men that humor me by reading this, you are not immune to this….male breast cancer is very real and its on the rise) inside and out. Know what is normal for you-all the lumps and bumps, the wiggly things, the ropy things, the squishy things. Know when its normal for something to feel sensitive, and when it isn’t. Pay attention to anything that changes suddenly. Get it checked out. Educate yourself. Don’t be afraid to swim against the tide a little. Don’t be afraid to demand better procedures, tools, and outcomes. Breast cancer survival rates have not improved in the long run as much as we are led to believe and we need to be asking the right questions….starting with the why.
Most importantly, support the women like me. Understand why some of us don’t want to subject ourselves to what I/We feel is basically an outdated and archaic method of detecting a devastating disease, who want to see something better being done to protect and preserve our health. We can do so many amazing things now with the technology we have-why is it such a struggle to find a better way to do this?
And if the unimaginable happens…..don’t tell us we asked for it by not taking responsibility for our health. We are. You don’t need to agree with our opinions, but we need you to respect them. Love us anyway. Be here for us, and support us through whatever happens.
Winetemplations 